Men Are Abused, Too


shutterstock_110180066Domestic Abuse of men

In my first post on abuse, I mentioned that women were the primary victims .  A reader took exception with my use of the pronoun HE to describe the aggressor.  I stand behind the data which clearly defines the larger percentage  of victims being female. But, certainly some men are exposed to violent women capable of abuse. I also want to share information on men who are in dangerous relationships.  I do not want to leave the impression that men could not be abused.

Clearly, our world is becoming more dangerous and both men and women must be aware of the potential danger of a partner prone to violence.  In a purposefully designed  cycle,  the aggressor begins with emotional abuse. But as the person  gains power, the abuse can escalate to physical abuse, sexual abuse,  stalking, and even murder.

Please see the following research from the National /Domestic violence Hotline.

Men Can Be Victims of Abuse, Too

July 22, 2014/

At the Hotline, we know that domestic violence can affect anyone – including men. According to the CDC, one in seven men age 18+ in the U.S. has been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in his lifetime. One in 10 men has experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner. In 2013, 13% of documented contacts to the Hotline identified themselves as male victims. Although they make up a smaller percentage of callers to the Hotline, there are likely many more men who do not report or seek help for their abuse, for a variety of reasons:

Men are socialized not to express their feelings or see themselves as victims.

Our culture still clings to narrow definitions of gender (although there are signs that this is slowly shifting). Young boys are taught not to express their emotions, to “suck it up” and “be a man.” Tony Porter calls this the “man box” in his well-known TED talk. This can be extremely detrimental to boys as they age, especially if they find themselves in an abusive relationship. Men may feel discouraged to talk about what’s going on in their personal lives, or they feel like no one will believe them. They may not even realize that they are being abused, or they might assume they should just deal with the abuse on their own.

The male victims who are typically in heterosexual relationships. While we certainly don’t want to minimize this violence, focusing on only one type of situation renders invisible the many scenarios that do not fit this definition, including abusive relationships among homosexual, bisexual, and trans* men. This might make many victims feel like they don’t have the space or the support to speak out about their own experiences and seek help.


The National Domestic Violence Hot line


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