In my last two posts, we defined emotional abuse and shared a list of the signs to watch for. Okay. You are concerned that you may be a victim. Now what?
One of my followers commented that the abuser starts like a whisper. He was right. Picture a Spring Storm with a soft, gentle breeze, a tender, non-threatening wind. The breeze grows in force, no longer zero to five MPH. The blue sky filled with white clouds, turns gray. The temperature grows cooler. You know a storm is coming.
We are able to recognize the signs of weather growing more dangerous. Why can’t we sense the abuser’s net drawing us in? We are tender hearted. Seeing the cup half full, we believe there is good in everyone. We, not only rescue dogs and cats, we rescue people.
The abuser selected us for these same characteristics. He can gently, methodically, and craftily, draw us in. Whether you believe that the abuser is targeting us because he plans it, or you believe it is a match of two wounded people, the result is the same. We are in a relationship that must change or be ended.
Like the weather-man alerts their viewers of the signs of a tornado, let’s look at a few of the signs of the abuser.
#1 Extreme Jealousy
Just where are you going in that dress? It’s too short.
I heard you talking to that jerk George. Keep away from him.
Stop batting your eyes at every man you see in the grocery store.
No way am I allowing you to go to Sharon’s house. Her husband is an animal and he has his eyes on you.
Don’t pet the dog; I am trying to train him.
No, you don’t need to attend the kid’s school conference. I’m going.
I won’t eat this slop. Why don’t you take time to cook a good meal?
No, you can’t have twenty dollars. I’ll get you anything you really need. I keep the money.
Go change. I won’t be seen with you dressed like that.
He picks up his plate and shoves his dinner into the trash. It had been his favorite meal.
He often demonstrates road rage for no apparent reason.
He picks fights with you just before the two of you planned on going out to see a movie. He storms off and you are left at home.
His mood is unpredictable when he gets home from work. You are constantly stressed out
He gave you less money for groceries and is up set with what you bought.
He quit his job and expects you to find a second job to make ends meet.
He demands respect but he does not give you the same.
He expects you to be romantic with him after he has yelled at you all evening.
#5-Isolating your time
He frequently answers the phone but forgets to give you your messages. If you ask about it, he gets angry.
He refuses to attend a planned family gathering because he hates your sister, mother, brother, etc…
He interacts with your friends so badly that they stop inviting you over
He tells you to not bother his friends, they really don’t like you.
He is an expert at the blame-game. Nothing is ever his fault.
The bill was not paid because the company never sent it
He was not fired from his job, he quit
He should have never gotten that speeding ticket, others were driving much faster. The cops picked him out.
He blames you for anything that goes wrong around the house, with the kids, with the lack of cash, etc.
Next time, we will review more of the warning signs. I will discuss how to set boundaries. We will also look at how to react if your boundaries are not honored.
Are you, or someone you love, in an abusive relationship? Please send your questions or experiences to me at firstname.lastname@example.org or leave a comment on this blog.